Working title: My Senior Op/Ed

I got the urge to post on my blog, and say something that would feel absolutely geniune and sincere.
I thought, "If I could wirte something that's not cool, not hip, not glamorous, but is instead heartfelt, something honest from me to you - posting that would make me feel better."  I remembered that my Senior Op/Ed was my best shot at writing something honest.  So I proceeded to look for it, to copy and paste on here.  I couldn't find it anywhere online, so I gave up looking.  I think I'll post it someday.

I know that if I ever really want to find a copy of it I could go to my ex-girlfriend, who cut the article out of the school paper and saved it somewhere in her room.  Maybe someday she'll read this and be emberassed. That's pretty private information of hers that I'm sharing, but I don't really feel bad.  I didn't say her name, so that's one justification. 

I often forward texts from her to my mobile blog.  I forward my favorite texts from all my friends to my mobile blog. I never introduce it with a name or give the message any context.  For that reason I fear my mobile blog is too hard to understand or pull any meaning from.  Right now I'm fearing that this post itself is too scattered and holds no value to potential readers.

I was meaning to somehow segway into this paragraph. I'm about to change topics here.  The post is no longer about my senior op/ed, or my ex-girlfriend, or trying to say something honest.  It's now about a feeling of apprehension, or uneasiness, or anxiety, or reservation that I get before I expose myself to something I think may be great. 

Forgive my poor word-crafting, and my lousy vocabulary, and my excessive commas. It's harder for me to keep writing when I think about how I know some author has made this same point or observation, and been much more articulate, and made less interjections.  I'm no poet.

But as I was saying - before I watch what I expect to be a great movie, or read a great book, or listen to great music, I have to pyshc myself up. Surely I can't be the only one who experiences this apprehension.  Why do I get it, what is it like, and who else has described it are all thought-provoking questions.

Apprehension is the best word I can think of to describe it.  I think it's note-worthy that apprehension can be used to describe a fear, but can aslo be used as a synonym for comprehension or understanding.  Maybe I only think that's note-worthy because it's 1 in the morning.  But seriously, isn't it cool that the same word I use to describe my fear for exposing myself to great, potentially life-altering art, can also be used to describe a deeper understanding of things (which would be the result of this great art)?

Again, I apologize that this writing all seems so scattered, so "rough-draft" (which it is), and so stream-of-consciousness.  But I can't stop myself from writing, because I have this stirring feeling that something big in my life is coming. Can you feel it? The winds of change are here.